


Gender Dysphoria AND Body Dysmorphia SUCKS

by clorise



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Big Brother Harley Keener, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Eating Disorders, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Self-Esteem Issues, Sickfic, Trans!Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29597070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clorise/pseuds/clorise
Summary: Peter has issues with food, food deprivation (no vomiting) and his body. This includes body dysmorphia and dysphoria. Peter not eating, especially with his increased metabolism has led to his immune system not being able to keep up. Harley and Tony suspect something is up with the little spider and try to help.
Relationships: Harley Keener & Peter Parker, Harley Keener & Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 1
Kudos: 79





	Gender Dysphoria AND Body Dysmorphia SUCKS

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back in April 2020 and I guess I never posted it here??
> 
> Please comment I'm insecure

Peter wakes up to his alarm blaring early in the morning. “Okay, Fri I’m up I’m up.” He whines, rolling over to bury his face back in the pillows.

“I cannot shut off the alarm until you actually get up, Peter.” The AI says, causing Peter to whine again.

He stays buried in his pillows until he can’t stand the noise of the alarm anymore and actually drags himself out of bed. Thankfully the second he is standing the alarm quiets. Peter goes through his typical morning routine of showering before wiggling into his binder. He brushes his teeth and attempts to get some control of his hair, which never really seems to work. He gets dressed in a pair of worn jeans and one of his favorite t-shirts. Mr. Stark is always trying to get him to dress nicer, in the fancy jeans he bought for Peter but he really prefers his old ones. He looks at himself in the mirror, making sure he appears manly and that the wrong parts of his body aren't shown off. He doesn’t really like how tight his jeans fit around his waist, making a little pudge stick out so he grabs a hoodie to put on as well. He deems himself ready for the day and makes his way out to the kitchen. 

He can hear Mr. Stark - Tony, as he insists on being called, fiddling around in the kitchen. Peter feels comforted by the smell of Mr.-Tony’s coffee coming from the kitchen. He enters the kitchen to say goodbye before he has to leave for school. 

“Hey Tony,” he says, the name still feeling weird on his tongue even after calling him that for months. “I’m heading out.” 

“Okay bambi, you sure you don't have time for breakfast?” Tony asks, looking over his shoulder from where he is mixing something, pancakes maybe?

The thought of eating breakfast makes Peter’s head spin a little so he forces out a tight smile. “No I gotta be in early. We’re having..uh...early morning decathlon practice.” With that he’s out the door. He’s been hiding his eating habits for months and it’s making his anxiety worse. His stomach feels like it’s in a knot all the time.

Tony can tell the boy is lying about something but just chuckles a little. Peter doesn’t seem to be in trouble and he has to let him get away with the little things sometimes. 

When Harley finally wakes up, Tony has pancakes ready which Harley scarfs down, as usual. He sends Harley off to school with a semi-stern “stay out of trouble Harls.”

At school, Peter is meeting up with Ned before class, to talk about Spiderman stuff of course. Peter is leaning up against his locker talking in hushed voices with Ned when Harley walks by stopping to talk to the boy he considered a younger brother. 

“Hey Pete. Dad said you didn’t get breakfast, so here.” Harley said as he grabbed an apple out of his bag that Peter was sure Tony had put it there.

“Oh uh...thanks Harley.” Peter mumbled, taking the apple. After a beat of awkwardness Peter abruptly said “okay I’m gonna go to class now.” He pitched the apple in the first garbage can out of Harley’s sight.

He took off in the direction of his first class with a heavy feeling in his chest. It was getting harder and harder to avoid Tony and Harley trying to give him food all the time. They were both aware of his increased metabolism so they offered him food a lot. 

Peter was able to make it until lunch without the idea of eating making him want to puke. At lunch he got his food, eating a few french fries off his plate before saying that he had a big breakfast. Ned gave him a weird look that Peter attempted to just shrug off. 

He was able to make it through the rest of the afternoon with his stomach only giving the occasional grumble or cramp. Peter really doesn't mind because when the final bell rings he feels like his jeans are a little bit looser than they were this morning. 

Happy is there to pick them up as usual. Peter is there before Harley and climbs into the backseat because Harley always gets to sit up front. Something about him being older or whatever. Peter does what he usually does and starts to tell Happy about his day. He tends to ramble whenever he’s with Happy. He’s in the middle of telling Happy about the joke Ned told him in Physics when Harley joins them in the car.

Harley smiles a little as he settles into the front seat. “Feeling better Pete? You seemed a little off this morning,” he mentions.

Peter’s eyes widened a little hoping that he wasn't being too obvious this morning. “Oh yeah for sure! I just didn’t sleep well,” he said a little sheepishly, still not that great at the whole lying thing. 

“I get it. We all have those days,” Harley says as he pulls out his phone to text his friends or whoever the older boy constantly texts.

When they get back to the tower, both boys get out of the car and head up to the penthouse. 

“Tony we’re home!” Peter calls when the elevator opens, he kicks his shoes off and drops his bag next to them before plopping himself onto the couch. 

Harley does the same with his shoes and bag before going into the kitchen and grabbing a bag of chips. He comes back out, pushing Peter’s legs off the couch to sit next to him.

“I’m picking.” Harley supplies around a mouthful of chips. 

“You’re disgusting Harls!” Peter whines as he pushes his brother with his feet. 

“Oh I’m disgusting? You’re putting your feet on me!” Harley retaliates.

Peter sticks his tongue out about to reply when Tony walks in the room to interrupt their banter. “Boys!” He says fondly, waiting till he has their attention before continuing. “Pepper wants to have a nice dinner tonight and we’re all going. Be ready to leave at 5:30, you know how Pepper gets when we’re late.”

Both boys groaned. “Dad” came from Harley and “Tony” from Peter, the knot in his stomach tightening again.

Tony hushed them. “No no no, there is no way I am going to try and talk Pepper out of this,” he said, putting his hands up. “You can complain to her.” He retreated from the room to go get ready. 

Harley was a lot more used to the high class restaurants they went to then Peter was. Harley had been living with Tony since he was twelve. Peter had only started to stay at the tower full time the past two months since Aunt May got a job opportunity in Europe. 

Both boys stayed on the couch for a little while longer, watching the rebuilding cars show Harley had put on. 

Peter was half asleep, feeling even more exhausted than usual, when Harley nudged him and said “Come on squirt. We gotta get ready.” 

Peter grumbled as he stood up and went to his room. He absolutely hated wearing dress clothes, the shirts always looked stupid on him and it was worse that Tony and Harley looked amazing in them.

He found the pair of plain black dress pants he could actually stand before looking through all the different dress shirts Tony had bought for him. He groaned and called for his brother. “Harleyyy! Come help me pick!” He flopped back on the bed.

Harley came into the room, shirt still unbuttoned. “Kid just pick. It doesn’t matter.” He walked over to Peter’s closet and looked at a few different shirts before tossing one to Peter. “There, see?” 

“Yeah yeah well everyone I pick looks stupid with yours and da-Tony’s.” Peter grumbles, grabbing the shirt. 

“He won't care if you call him dad you know?” 

“I just...I don’t think he sees me as his kid. Not like you.” Peter said softly, keeping his gaze on his lap. 

Harley rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Pete you don't really think that, do you? You and dad are basically the same person. You’re just...smaller.” He teased.

Peter shrugged and stood up to slip his shirt on. Harley patted Peter’s shoulder hoping he didn't upset the other boy. “I’ve gotta finish getting ready. I’ll meet you downstairs squirt.” 

Peter watched Harley leave the room before attempting to fix his shirt. He tucked it in but then you could see his stomach out. He untucked it but he knew Tony would say that looked sloppy. His eyebrows furrowed in frustration as he tucked the shirt back in, plucking at it to get it to look right. He once again attempted to do something with his curls. Harley and Tony never had this issue, they always had perfect hair. He pouted a little as he couldn't get his hair to do what he wanted. 

He couldn’t stop messing with his outfit, not liking the way his hips or stomach looked at all. As he’s doing this he heard Tony yell up, “Peter c’mon we have to go! Happy’s waiting.”

Peter yelled back a quick “Coming!” before looking in the mirror once more. He hated how he looked but knew it would have to do. He slipped on his shoes before heading down the stairs. 

“Okay let’s go.” Tony said with a clap of his hands, heading for the elevator. 

Peter was not excited for this dinner not just because of how atrocious he looked. Ever since he got home he wasn’t feeling very well. He figured it was nothing though and tried to ignore it.

At the restaurant, Peter was overwhelmed by all the food, his stomach churning at all the different scents hitting him at once. Still he pushed through.

When the waiter came to take his order Peter still hadn’t chosen. He looked to Tony for help having no clue what to get because he honestly wanted nothing. 

It was a whole other thing when the food got there. Then Peter actually had to eat and act normal. Every forkful was daunting and he could feel the calories in each bite. The only good thing about the food was that his stomach finally stopped cramping. He made sure to clear the plate, not wanting to be suspicious. 

Peter made polite conversation with his family between bites and was incredibly grateful when the meal was done. 

“Peter are you okay?” Pepper asked him when they stood. “You look a little green.”

Peter gave a small nod as he tried to quell his nausea. “Yeah I just don't feel so great tonight…”

Pepper nodded, guiding the boy outside. “Maybe some fresh air will help.” 

“Mmm” Peter supplied leaning against her.

Harley and Tony came out behind them, both looking concerned. Neither of them wanted to interrupt the moment but wanted to make sure Peter was okay. 

When Happy pulled up with the car Pepper helped him into the back. She had met them at the restaurant so they could all drive back together. Getting home was rough and Peter could feel his head swirling. “Pepper..” He mumbled. “Gonna- Gonna..” He couldn’t get the words out.

“Happy pullover.” She said firmly and the man did. As soon as the door to the vehicle was open Peter was puking all over the road. 

“Shit sorry..” He murmured when he was finally done throwing up. He leaned back against the cool leather of the seat. 

No one had the heart to scold Peter for his language while he was feeling so bad. Tony put a hand to his forehead to feel his temperature. “Kid you’re burning up. Why didn’t you say something earlier?”

“Was fine. Just a little tired.” Peter said.

Tony sighed and nodded, telling Happy to continue with the drive. 

When they got home Tony helped Peter to bed, helping him change and get into bed. He kissed the boy’s head with a soft. “Good night, bambino.” 

The next morning Peter was feeling a little better and wanted to go to school, which of course caused an argument. 

“No, back to bed.” Tony said firmly, arms crossed.

“I feel fine now! Really Tony, I can go to school.” Peter insisted with a pout.

“Peter most kids would be glad to get out of school, but here you are. Arguing with me about staying in bed all day.” 

Peter couldn’t say that the reason he wanted to go to school was that he knew if he stayed home his food intake would be monitored and he doesn’t think he could avoid Tony that well.

Peter went to protest but was cut off by Pepper entering the kitchen and Peter knew that Tony would tattle to her. “Peps, Peter is trying to go to school after last night.” 

Pepper made a soft clicking noise with her tongue. “Come on bubba..Let’s go back to bed.” She said, wrapping her arm around Peter’s shoulder.

“But Pepper!” He whined. “I feel fine.”

“I know, but a day off is good every once and awhile. Especially for our spiderling.”

Once back to bed, Peter quickly gave in to sleep. He wouldn’t admit it but he had been feeling pretty weak lately.

When Tony came to check in on him he brought soup with him. He set it on the nightstand before gently shaking the boy awake. “Hey bambi,” He said gently. “I brought some soup. Maybe you could try eating?”

Peter groaned at the thought. “I’m really not feeling up to it.” He said softly, his stomach churning.

“You gotta eat something, Pete. You need the calories, especially with that super spider metabolism of yours.” 

The mention of all the calories Peter needed made him wince. He hated to think about it, how much he would have to eat all the time to keep his body actually healthy. 

“Just a few bites please. For me?” Tony tried again.

Peter gave Tony a dirty look, knowing that ‘for me?’ always worked on him. He sat up against his pillows to take the soup. He wasn’t expecting when Tony picked up the bowl and fed him a spoonful.

“Ugh. Dad!” Peter whined without thought, too tired to really think about it.  
Tony grinned but didn’t say anything, not wanting to embarrass him further or ruin it. He simply got another spoonful and held it to the boys lips with a soft. “Eat, bambino.”

Peter could only stomach less than a fourth of the bowl before he was pushing Tony away.

Tony frowned but accepted that he couldn't eat anymore. He kissed Peter’s forehead before leaving the room to go see if he could find out more about what was going on.

Tony was in the lab when he got the idea to check with Karen, who was basically Peter’s personal AI.

“Karen, has something been up with Peter lately?” He questioned, doubting he would get any good answer.

“Peter has been exceptionally tired lately, sir.”

That was about the answer Tony expected and not all that helpful. He had probably caught a bug and hadn’t been feeling well for a few days. Tony sighed and asked Friday to check Peter’s vitals, which all seemed relatively normal except for his blood sugar which was pretty low and he was dehydrated. Both seemed pretty normal with being sick. He asked Friday to pull up his vitals for the past month and that’s when he noticed that Pete’s blood sugar has been really low and only occasionally rising throughout the day. 

“Fri, pull up Peter’s calorie intake.” Tony said, He knew it was probably a little extreme to have Friday keep track of what the boys ate but it was just a precaution.

When he saw the numbers he swore and asked Friday if they were right because there was no way Peter was surviving off of barely 1,000 calories a day. Based on what they knew about Steve, Peter should be eating about 5,000 calories a day.

Tony didn’t know what to do, this was probably the first true ‘dad moment’ he would have to have with Peter. He rubbed his forehead as he heard Harley come in from school. He went to meet the boy, deciding to ask him about it first.

“Hey Harls,” he greeted the boy.

“Hey dad. What’s up?” He asked, setting his bag down and kicking off his shoes. “How’s Pete?” He added before Tony could answer the first question.

Tony tensed a little before answering. “Well he’s doing fine, but I wanted to ask you something..”

Harley looked confused but nodded for Tony to continue.

“Well..has Peter been eating?” He said, knowing it sounded weird and awkward but he couldn’t think of a better way to ask. Not when he had just found out himself.

“Um not around me that much I guess.” Harley said with a shrug. “Why? What’s up?”

“Well I was asking Fri some stuff and she said that Peter has only been eating about 1,000 calories a day. He’s been eating less and less the past few days too.” Tony said gently, not wanting to worry Harley about the boy who was practically his brother.

Tony’s soothing tone hadn’t helped though because Harley’s eyebrows quickly furrowed into the signature Stark worry look that even the adopted family had. “But…” Harley said lamely before giving a quick shake of his head. “I’m going to talk to him.. He better not be trying to hurt himself! That dumbass doesn’t he know we love him?” Harley said with anger. Anger was Harley’s first reaction and something they had been working on ever since he moved in with Tony.

Tony stopped the boy from storming up the stairs, grabbing his upper arm before looking him in the eyes. “No, you’re going to stay down here and collect yourself. Peter is not doing this because he thinks we don't love him.” Tony firmly assured his eldest. He watched Harley deflate slightly and knew that he recognized that his anger was misplaced.

Harley cleared his throat, looking down before speaking. “Yeah I know. I just- I worry about him.” He supplied.

Tony nodded, not wanting him to feel guilty for his emotions. “I know Harls. We can’t be angry at him though okay? He’s not doing this to hurt us.” Tony pulled him in for a hug which Harley returned with a soft sniffle indicating he had been teary eyed. “Now why don't you go watch your show while I talk with Peter okay?” Only when he got a nod from the boy did Tony let him go.

Tony waited until Harley was sitting on the couch watching his show before he headed to Peter’s room. He really didn’t want to have this conversation while Peter was sick but it would be the best way to keep the boy from darting off to avoid talking about it. 

Tony knocked softly on the door before letting himself in. Peter was laying on his side on his phone when Tony came and sat on the bed behind him. “Hey Pete, up for a chat?” Tony asked the blanket lump.

Peter rolled over and gave a small nod. “Mhm what’s up? Are you mad I called you dad earlier? It was an accident I swear.”

Tony quickly shook his head. “No Pete not at all. Being your dad would be an honor if you’re willing to have me kiddo.” He got a small smile from Peter before continuing with his original purpose for going to talk with Peter. “What I wanted to talk to you about was...Well I was just looking over stuff with Friday to see how you were feeling and...I’m worried about you Pete..” 

“What? I’m not like dying, right? Did she find a tumor or something?” Peter shot up in his bed, looking worried.

“No no no bambi!” Tony instantly reassured. “I didn’t mean to scare you! I just...have you been eating?” Tony knew he wasn't very good at talking to his son without being blunt but he couldn’t exactly think of a way to ease into the topic.

Peter looked down at his lap wringing his hands together. “Uh….um...I...yeah. I’m eating fine.” He attempted to lie.

Tony chuckled. “You’re not a very good liar bambino.” 

“I’m sorry...Dad. I just didn’t want you to worry about me.” He mumbled.

“Pete why didn’t you tell me? This is probably why you got sick.” 

“I-I just...I need to lose the weight. I’m not starving myself or anything! I still eat.” Peter said urgently.

“Yeah but not nearly enough Pete. You need way more than what you’re getting right now.”

“But..I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.” He said trying to make the mood lighter with a quote from The Devil Wears Prada, a movie Peter had forced Tony to watch.

Tony gave Peter a stern look for that. Peter stood up because he simply couldn’t sit still anymore. His eyes were filled with tears as he burst out. “I’m sorry! I just need to control it and I’m so fat and I look like a girl with all my fucking curves and now that you limit my patrol I don’t get enough exercise so the more I eat the fatter I look!”

Tony was shocked for a second but quickly recovered. “Peter you are not fat in any way and no one- and I mean no one sees you as a girl. I think you should talk to someone about this. It’s not healthy and probably dangerous for you to not be eating like you should.”

Peter started to pace in front of Tony, who was still seated on the bed. “I’m not broken. I don’t need therapy.” 

“Peter therapy does not mean you’re broken. Harley and I both go to therapy. Are we broken?”

Peter shakes his head and mumbles a small “course not.”

Tony nods, reaching to grab Peter’s wrist and stop the boys pacing gently pulling the boy to sit besides him. “Bambino, we all have things we need to work through. The feelings you have about food and your body are things that maybe a therapist could help with.” He explained, wrapping an arm around Peter.

Peter gave a small nod. “Are you mad at me?” He asked softly, leaning into Tony’s side.

“No, no bambi. I am not mad at all. I want you to be safe though and take care of yourself. Not eating is gonna mess with your immune system and you can’t be Spiderman if you’re sick.” Peter only gave a small nod in response so Tony continued. “How about you go back to sleep? We can talk more later.” He kissed the top of Peter's head.

Peter laid back down, curling up under all his blankets. When Tony got up to leave Peter grabbed his wrist. “Dad?”

Tony turned. “Yeah Pete?”

“Stay, please.”

Tony sat back on the bed, leaning against the headboard. “Of course I will.”

Peter yawned, obviously exhausted between being sick and the emotional toll of their conversation. “Love you, dad.” He murmured.

“I love you too, Peter.” Tony said, leaning down to kiss the boy’s forehead.


End file.
